Staying Social in a World of Social Media

Social media is all the rave today. Who ever thought it would get as big as it is? It has even altered how we communicate with one another, how we look up information, and even the way we do business and our daily routines. But has it totally overcome our lives?

Are you addicted to social media?

 It is safe to say that many would agree that social media is addicting. When you are bored at work - how many times a day do you check your Facebook? When you are out running errands - how many times do you "check in" at certain locations? Whenever you run into someone you hadn't seen in awhile or maybe even someone you just met - how many times have you said "I'll Facebook you"? It was recorded just this month that Twitter has amounted to over 500 billion users and sees approximately 340 million tweets per day.

I think we've all been there at one point or another...or maybe even on a daily basis. But how much actual physical social interaction do we engage in now...or do we just rely on Facebook to keep up with all our engagements and correspondence? Some of you may be thinking "I interact with others every day!" That could be true, but I'm not just talking about our jobs or with our families...I'm talking about actual social interactions that involve physically talking face to face and/or engaging in outside activities with another person. These activities also don't involve having a cell phone taped to your ear or your hand. When was the last time you were able to do this? Remember, 22% of users spend their time online on social media.

• It's addicting. The fact is too much social media isn't exactly good for us. Studies have shown that spending too much online or on social media has some serious health risks. In addition to the fact that is extremely addicting and perhaps it's not the best way to be spending our time. I understand that many companies and businesses rely heavily on social media to promote their business or to keep up with competitors, clients, and partners and colleagues. In fact, I'm one of them. However, just like anything, when does it become too much? 

• It can cause depression. There are some people out there who will lock themselves in their rooms or in their homes for an entire weekend or night and just play online. This is most likely more common in younger adults or children, but this isolation is a sure sign of the beginning stages of depression. 

• It leads to decreased physical activity. In a society where obesity is such an epidemic, again, especially in children, the last thing we should be doing is sitting in front of the computer. 

So in a society where everyone and their brother are pushing you to jump on social media, what do you do about it? You can utilize social media in order to plan events that involve engaging in other human beings. This automatically reduces the feeling of isolation, depression, and decreased physical activity. Getting out into the world and doing something fun with a friend, significant other, or family member or child is definitely a more fulfilling activity than just sitting and chatting. In fact, it's not secret that human beings require social interaction with another human being. This could be interacting with another person's emotions, personality, or even just their touch or smile. Humans are social beings that require the interaction with another in order to thrive and develop healthy, social relationships.

Okay, so it's not all bad.

Social media has also helped us in many ways, especially in conjunction with technology. Social media helps you connect with people you already know or maybe haven't seen in awhile, such as distant family members, high school or college friends, international contacts, people with similar interests, etc. It is extremely convenient and easy to keep in touch with people, which is always a great thing.

Then there is the whole business world. Anyone who owns a business has probably reaped the benefits of social media in some way. Utilizing social media as a part of your networking or marketing strategy is not only easy to do, but it's extremely cost effective. You can purchase and run ads through Facebook for as little as $1 per day...and still reach potential clients and business contacts. Facebook does all the work for you. In addition, posting your blog, business site, press releases, or any other published content to your Facebook page or Twitter account is bound to get your name out there and boost your branding faster than print advertising ever could.

Getting out (and not in the social media sense).

All in all, there should really be a limit to how much social media we consume in a day...just for the sheer purpose of getting out there and getting away from the computer. For those who have jobs that involve sitting at a desk in front of a computer screen all day, do you really want to go home and do the same thing? For those who are looking for a change a pace, try getting out and doing something fun with someone else at least once per week (and again, without your cell phone attached to your ear or your hand the entire time).

Maybe you recently started a new job or moved and you don't know anyone and would like to meet someone. For those cases, there is Meetup.com. This is a great way to find something close in proximity to either work, home, or school; that is relative to your interests or hobbies; and that involves meeting others (whether for the purposes of making new friendships, relationships, or networking).

Finally, it's easy to become addicted to social media today. Everywhere you go and everything you do involves posting to Facebook, visiting an organization's fan page or "tweeting" or "posting" a status update. While we've already looked at the pros and cons to social media, there should really be a balance to social media and life.



Cover image: © Radu Razvan Gheorghe | Dreamstime.com

Written content: © 2010, 2011, 2012, J.H. Language Solutions

What is the Most Important Element in a Marriage?

What does it take to make a marriage work? People have been asking this question for decades. Some say trust, respect, loyalty, forgiveness, or the ability to listen. Some even say "don't go to bed mad", or more comically, "lower your expectations". What do you think is the most important element in a marriage, or in any relationship for that matter?

The truth is the success of any marriage or relationship depends on the two personalities involved. It depends on the couples' priorities, values, and beliefs. For some couples it may be trust or respect or the ability to listen that works best for them. These no doubt are all crucial elements to a marriage. However, another biggie that is not often mentioned in these cases is communication.

It's truly amazing the problems that can arise from a lack of communication. It can cause problems in every aspect of your marriage or relationship...from finances, to raising children, to domestic chores, to romance and sex. All of these can leave a person feeling disconnected, disappointed, and lonely. Only at this point does a partner often sink into loneliness and despair, where he or she feels disrespected, taken advantage of, or just plain hurt. Some even look outside a relationship or marriage for intimacy...whether it is physical or emotional. Partners don't necessarily do this to be resentful or deceitful, but when you feel unhappy or like you aren't connecting with your partner, it is only natural for you to begin thinking about someone else or maybe a way out completely.

While infidelity is among the top ten reasons for couples to divorce or even break up, communication is also on that same list. And I bet ten to one that in many instances infidelity can be directly linked to communication, or lack thereof, in one form or another. I'm sure there are cases out there where infidelity is caused for selfish reasons. I am in no way defending or promoting infidelity in any way. I just believe the real, underlying problem is often communication...and it is sad that so many couples face this but do not realize what the real problem is.

Communication is an extremely vital element in marriage that is often overlooked. It is a biological fact that men and women have two completely different styles of communicating. There's no way around this. However, there are ways we as humans and partners can deal with it. One of the most effective ways is to practice empathic listening. Empathic listening is listening to another person speak and focus solely on what the person is saying. When you are in the middle of a heated discussion it is often difficult to put aside your own emotions to listen to the other, especially when you are angry or upset, or even in the middle of an emotionally charged situation. But this step is crucial in order to really listen or reach your partner and avoid arguments. It is also important to take turns speaking and listening so each person gets his or her own time to talk and listen...that way both sides are heard, recognized, and respected. Unfortunately, we do not develop this skill in our childhoods. At least most of us don't. This skill needs to be practiced and learned in order for it to really work effectively.

So what do I know about this? I've been married for a little less than three years and I've only been with my husband for a total of six years, so I couldn't possibly understand the problems couples face who have been married or have been together for ten, twenty, or thirty or more years...nor am I trying to. I simply felt it was appropriate to blog on this topic as this is one of the most crucial items I've learned in only a few years of marriage. I've also learned in that time that this is an area where many couples find difficulty.

However, I can comfortably say that in my three years of marriage, my husband and I have dealt with problems, I mean real problems that some do not face in a lifetime. My husband and I have faced impaling illnesses, injuries, job loss, family deaths or illnesses, moving, financial struggles, separations, court hearings, and we became a step family...all in the matter of a few years. Now that we approach our third year wedding anniversary, we are run down, weary, and feel like we are about fifty years old. We are plain old sick and tired of life...already. Unfortunately, these issues have come between us more than we would have liked. However, in the worst times, we have found that practicing effective communication really and truly is the way out.

Sometimes it's just a matter of feeling like you've got another person on your side at all times. It is even worse when you have to face these issues and you can't really connect with the other person about your fears or concerns. Then you feel like you are dealing with the problems all on your own...which can be a recipe for disaster. These situations can often raise "red flags" in the mind of a person. At that point you begin thinking, "well, I might as well be on my own since I feel that way anyways." It doesn't have to be that way...no matter how bad things may seem.

What causes a lack in communication? This can be difficult to decipher. Again, it really depends on the person. We are already at a disadvantage since men and women communicate differently. One of the most common issues that arise is the woman's need to vent, and the man's need to fix. Often times a woman will come home from work and vent about her day. At this point she may be speaking passionately or may be "fired up" about something that may have happened at work. While this is happening, the man is thinking of ways to "fix" the situation...so he may offer advice such as "why don't you look for another job?" or "why don't you tell your co-worker to mind his/her own business?" This can commonly come across to the woman that the man is annoyed with her for complaining. She may retort with "I don't want another job, you aren't listening!" And thus an argument begins. Men need to understand that more often than not, a woman just wants to vent; to get things off her chest. One the other hand, women need to understand that the man wants to "fix" the situation...because ladies, it is true that men who really love us just want us to be happy. To avoid this, women can often tell her partner, "I don't want you to feel like you have to 'fix' anything, I just need to listen." A lot of times this can help as the man suddenly feels "off the hook" and he knows that the only thing he needs to do is listen.

This is probably a very straight forward example. However, it would be naive to think that this is the only situation that causes arguments. When you have been with someone for a significant amount of time, you learn their "trigger objects" or what sets them off. In many relationships one person can unintentionally set the other person off. For example, you may scream or swear at another driver who cuts you off or may have almost caused an accident. Your anger may make the other person who is sitting in the passenger's seat feel uneasy or uncomfortable. The partner in the passenger's seat may make an angered or negative comment, maybe because he or she is acting out of fear or apprehension. Then, that reaction will set off the already angered driver...ultimately resulting in another argument. And so the vicious cycle continues. While this may also be another naive example, you can apply this situation to other more intense emotionally charged situations. In cases where a partner may feel unloved, ignored, or not cared for, it could be a simple case where the other partner's behavior is misinterpreted. Maybe the other partner isn't sure of what the others' needs are, or how to react when the other is upset. Maybe one partner feels like the other wants to be left alone when the other needs romance or compassion. Again, all this can be resolved with communication.

I know, easier said than done, right? Communication is not an easy thing to instill in a relationship or marriage. It takes practice and a lot of work. But any marriage or relationship that is worth it to you will be worth the time. It's difficult to break this cycle and get on the right path...the path that leaves to healthy and effective communication which equals more love and understanding and compassion for both partners.


Copyright: 2012, J.H. Language Solutions

Photo © Yanik Chauvin | Dreamstime.com

"Cooper" the Kitten Plays Fetch

This is a video taken of my kitten "Cooper", that we found abandoned in our yard on August 12th, 2011. We brought him to the Worcester Animal Rescue League in Worcester, MA, where he was treated for fleas, was neutered, and received all his shots. Here he is, four months old, and he's grown quite sociable and has even learned to play "Fetch" on his own. Enjoy!

Friends vs. Coworkers

Let's start simple. What IS a friend? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a friend is described and classified as "1a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance, 2a : one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group, 3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity), 4: a favored companion."  If you ask me, this is rather vague. For instance "one attached to another by affection or esteem" is MUCH different than an "acquaintance". Also, is a "friend" from a particular nation, party, or group mean a group of people who are "acquaintances" that are joined together for a specific reason, organization, or interest? Therefore, can coworkers truly be classified as "friends"?

Some say 'yes', others say 'no'. It is true that a great deal of friendships have blossomed from the workplace. I know people who have been friends inside and outside of work, through life and job changes and what not, for over thirty years! I, myself even have previous coworkers that I still converse with. As mentioned above, the workplace is a group of people that do the same job and have the same interests/personality to perform a particular job. So, it's only natural that coworkers will comingle. I know there are those coworkers that everyone dreads working with. It's like the family member that you avoid seeing or that you just plain don't get along with. But overall, where we spend 7 to 8 hours per day, 5 days a week, 35-40 hours per week, until retirement, where we spend 80% of our lives, we are naturally going to find a coworker with the same interests and the same things in common.

On the flip side, those that say 'no' are at work for one reason and one reason only. Work. A paycheck. Supporting the families. Some people aren't interested in conversing with others for any other reason other than to get a job done. Totally understandable. But it's definitely much more enjoyable to have someone to talk to, to eat lunch with, or to vent to.

So that begs the question, are your friends friends? or just coworkers? It can be difficult to decide that sometimes. Some people are nervous to ask the other out for lunch or perhaps a weekend outing because it's difficult to know the other's intentions. Going out for happy hour is one thing, but visiting another in their personal home on the weekends is another. Sometimes it's difficult to know whether or not you've crossed that line or if that is something you are comfortable with. It's also a great risk to befriend a coworker and then put trust in him or her. You may think by venting to one of your coworkers it is okay, especially when your coworker is being friendly, supportive, you know, a FRIEND. The next thing you find out, that person is trashing you behind your back, complaining about you to a supervisor, and turning other coworkers against you. That is when you know it's time to cut the ties and that you really aren't "friends". I know what you are thinking...what is this, high school? Seriously. It's sad to say that some adults NEVER grow up. They have personal, childish issues that keep them from maintaining professional and plutonic relationships with others.

The line between friends and coworkers can also depend heavily upon the work environment. I've worked in environments where EVERYONE is friends. Yeah, of course, there's the drama...but people stuck together, were friendly, and sometimes even treated you like family. However, I've also worked in environments where you'd walk in in the morning and not ONE person would look up, or even say "good morning" to you and can't be bothered with mindless conversations that weren't 100% involved with work. Those environments are often cold, tense, and unenjoyable. A work enviornment also greatly depends on culture. Work environments that carry different ethnic cultures can directly affect the work environment, both positively and negatively. It also depends on the work environment's policies with exchanging personal information, interacting outside of work, or even exchanging personal emails with one another. However, it's safe to say that is varies with different industries.

All in all, it's difficult to determine what is more approrpriate: friends or coworkers. It depends on the person, the overall work cultural, environment, ethnicities, and the organization of a workplace. It's true that some work places and environments are more friendlier than others. I find that the younger the work environment, the more coworkers act like children -- in their professionalism, or lack thereof, their communication ability, and the way they mingle and interact with coworkers. So who's really to say? Most importantly, it depends on your own comfort level. You may be a social person, a people lover, or you may be more of an introvert, focused on your work only. Either way, tread lightly.