Marriage: Is Love Enough?

Marriage is hard. Plain and simple. It's not the whole magical fantasy, happy-ending that Disney, movies, and TV displays. If we are talking about movies, movies will typically show a couple that wants to be together, shows one another they want to be together, then there is a conflict where one must show the other his or her undying love, and then the movie ends with them getting married and having this huge, beautiful wedding. The end. Not really.

What movies don't show is that after the couple is married how hard sometimes things become. There are problems, conflicts, and challenges that Disney and movies don't show you. Whether it's internal issues such as communication, affection, or spending time together, or it's external, work, kids, money, etc., it is common for married couples to struggle with them. I'm no marriage counselor, psychologist, or social worker in any stretch of imagination, but I am married.

It is also easy for a married couple to go to a party, either together or alone, or talk with individual coworkers, and judge another's marriage. This other couple may boast about the luxurious vacations they take, or the new, sporty car they always seem to buy, or how perfect their children are, or how passionate their marriage is. It is easy to get jealous of them, or look at your own marriage and think that there is something wrong. However, no matter how glorious things may seem in another's life, it is sometimes surprising to find that they may be truly unhappy in reality.

The truth is, sometimes love is not enough. There are a lot of factors that go into a marriage in addition to love. There's trust, companionship/partnership, devotion, passion, understanding, and compromise. If any of these things suffer from some kind of conflict, one of the partners can feel damaged, betrayed, or uncared for. It's sometimes difficult to find a balance in order to satisfy each partner's needs or wishes. And honestly, there is no manual for marriage and no marriage is perfect. There are a ton of tips, advice, websites, articles, books, and marriage counselors out there that can help you reach the root of your problem, but ultimately none of them can solve it. Both partners must be willing to solve it. There's that devotion and companionship part again.

It's easy for us to look at those marriages that seem perfect or have last over thirty years. We all wonder 'how did they do it?' It would be naive to say that they didn't go through their own trials and tribulations. Life is hardly without its problems. But the real success is their willing to work through it. Their willing to get to the root of every problem and solve it together. "It takes two to tango".

Then why do so many people get a divorce today? There are several reasons for this. Many people get a divorce because either a) they marry for the wrong reasons - money, security, pressure, etc. or b) it's possible that they just didn't marry the right person, or c) they just weren't willing to work through the problems. Since divorce is so common in our culture today, it's extremely easy to get a divorce. In addition, since so many people are divorced, it's no longer a social taboo. In short, it's easier to get a divorce than work through the problems. But is it really worth it? Is it worth it to spend time and money and effort to get a lawyer, go through the court process, child support, alimony, marital division of the assets? It can be a painful process for all involved. Obviously some situations are different. Those who are involved in a physical or verbal abusive relationship, or one partner is a victim of substance abuse, or is incarcerated, or is abusive to children. All this would fall under letter "b": "Marrying the right person".

With that being said, people change. If you've been married ten plus years, I highly doubt either couple is the same person when you married him or her. We grow, we mature, we change. That's just the way life is. We need to grow or change with them and love who they have grown into or become.

So in regards to marriage, is love enough? Is it worth divorce? Has the person changed? These are all questions a couple must answer for themselves and decide if their marriage is worth the fight.