So, while you are probably doing your own free association right now, "crazy" doesn't always have to be negative. While, of course, marriage has its ups and downs, its good times and bad, its smooth seas and bumpy roads, it can often times be a little "crazy". In your own relationship or marriage, this could either be positive or negative...but I've learned that it's up to you.
In recent months, I've been through a number of changes at work and at home. One thing I've learned is it is up to me on how I want to handle it. I could easily sit here and say to you, "everything is horrible right now. I hate my job, I hate my marriage, I hate not having any money," blah, blah blah...fill in the blanks. But rather than complain, and while it is very easy for us to do, especially during moments when we want to vent, is that always the best solution? Think about it...other than stressing yourself out, raising your blood pressure, or hurting someone, where does anger get you? Where does complaining get you? What does it solve? Nine times out of ten, we just feel worse.
And why? Why is it harder for us to be positive? Why is getting angry and complaining always the easier way to deal with things? It's because we don't have good role models. Most of us want to blame our parents for something, well, here's your chance. We can totally blame our parents, our grandparents, and our ancestors for the way we communicate. We also each have our own individual "issues" that we've had since childhood. It also boils back down to child rearing. Whether we want to admit it or not, we become our parents. And in that, we take the good with the flaws. And with our flaws, sometimes, okay almost always, emotion gets in the way with how we SHOULD react.
So right now at work, we are undergoing a pretty large reorg. And for the first time in my life, this doesn't seem to mean layoffs for me. In this "reorg", we are basically combining two departments and making them all one job. Now while this means more work for all of us, the job will become more fulfilling and more rewarding, and it will also streamline our current process and work flows, and overall save the company money...which everyone likes. In preparing for this new position, we've formed several different "steering committees" to help put together new documentation, make changes to our current systems, and put together training materials. My job is to help put together training materials.
So I've been avidly working for the last six months on putting together quality and effective training materials to provide to everyone, new hires and colleagues, on how to do this new job. One of the activities I was working on putting together were some team building activities and ways to boost morale. One of the things we came across was something called Fish! Fish! was something that was formed by the guys that work at Pike Place Market in Seattle. To get to the point, one of the Fish! principles is "Choose Your Attitude". This really hit me. Think of all the moments in your day, week, life that you could very easily get angry or upset at someone or something. While some situations absolutely call for it, we DO have the ability to CHOOSE how we want to react to a certain situation. It may be hard, but we do have that choice.
So in tying this back into marriage and relationships, we have the ability, as a partner or spouse, to choose how we want to act towards one another. How we want and should communicate to one another. We have the ability to choose how we want to handle situations, whether they are stressful, difficult, challenging, or what have you. Sometimes there are moments where you could easily get angry at the other person, and I could go on all afternoon on the reasons why, but the next time you feel like getting upset, just think to yourself, "is this really worth arguing over? is this really worth hurting the other person? do I want to treat this person like this?" I bet you will answer "no" to each of these questions. I realize that there are situations that absolutely need to be dealt with and a compromise needs to be met, but choose your words carefully. You can do that.
Just because marriages or relationships have bumps in the road doesn't mean that they aren't valuable, or aren't worth the work, or the other person isn't worth it, or marriage is stupid altogether, it's that you choose to think that way. Sure every relationship and marriage has its issues...but those issues can be worked out, if you choose to work at it. Now, of course, I am by no means a licensed psychologist or counselor, nor have I been married for twenty years, I'm just going on what I have studied and what I have experienced in the short time that I have been married.
Is your marriage "crazy"? Maybe it is. Maybe that's a good thing, or maybe it's not so good. All in all, it's up to you to decide.
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